Comedy Of (Driving) Errors

Suffice it to say that the Irishman and I have no clue what we’re doing when it comes to living in a cold, snowy climate. We’re like Jake Sully when he first tries out his new Avatar body and he’s stumbling around the woods. We’re like children. Like little stupid children who are handling a 2,000 lb. weapon of mass destruction (our new Subaru). It really does feel like we’ve moved to another planet. Snow? Ice? Plows and salt? Walking through campus, I felt like Luke Skywalker on Hoth, but there was no Tauntaun to keep me warm. Gross. Anyways, before last month, these were just things in pictures. Pretty Christmas pictures with hot chocolate and roasted marshmallows and Snuggies. And while winter is all of those things when you stay inside, eventually, you need to emerge for work and food and therein lies the problem. Driving.

There definitely needs to be a handbook for Floridians who move up north because thus far, it’s a comedy of errors. Thankfully they’ve been harmless errors, but still. If only you could have heard the ridiculousness of our conversation as we drove back up here and hit the inclement weather. It went something like this:

Me: “What’s that white residue on the road? Is it ice?"

Irishman: “Yeah, no clue.”

Me: “No, I don’t think its ice. Perhaps the salt leaves a residue?"

Irishman: “Cyn, I don’t know, but perhaps you should slow down.”

Parker: “Slow down mommy!! Slow down! Slow doooooown.”

Me to the husband: “Thanks a lot.”

Nona and Chewy: “Woof. Woof.”

Me: “Yes, I definitely think its salt residue.”

(Pause)

Irishman: “Maybe it is ice. You know, black ice.”

Me: “But I thought that you couldn’t see black ice. Or it’s black. Or whatever.”

Irishman: “Yup, no clue.”

Seriously, we’re clueless. I’m sure that through a process of really stupid maneuvers, we’ll promptly figure out what not to do, but in the meantime, I’m driving like Grandma Moses and treating each speck of “whatever” on the road as if it’s deadly.

Wait, did Grandma Moses even drive? I’m not even sure I even know who Grandma Moses is. Please excuse me while I Google “Grandma Moses” for clarification.