The Irony of Aging

When I was 7 years old, I had a reoccurring dream that I was walking down a street in Greece with my cousin. In this dream, we were twelve. Wearing purses and kitten heels, we walked down that random street like we owned it. I would wake up from that dream thinking that twelve must be the epitome of sophistication and worldliness. And so I eagerly counted down the days until my twelfth birthday because that's when I knew that the world would be my oyster.

(Fast forward to my twelfth birthday) Gawky, awkward as a baby giraffe and full of insecurities, twelve was not all it was cracked up to be. I mean, is there a soul in existence who actually enjoyed middle school? What a tormenting time! So, I started daydreaming about the year 2000 when I would be 21 years old. I pictured myself in an upscale bar with a sleek dress and equally sleek friends and just like that, I had a new goal age in mind. I thought that at 21, I would be truly grown up. With a college degree in hand and a license to drink, 21 seemed to be oozing the sophistication I was hoping for at 12.

I must admit, 21 was a good year. I still felt unsure of the world and while most of my drinking was done in dives instead of upscale bars (I mean, who wants to spend $18 for a single martini anyways?), I definitely felt like I was coming into my own skin. So while I had come leaps and bounds since 12, I knew that for sure, by the age of 25...well, that's when I would really feel grown up...

And so the pattern continued. The irony of aging is that, sitting here at a newly-minted 32 (with an almost 4 year old child, a husband, a mortgage and a career), I still don't feel a day over 23. I'm not sure that I'll ever feel my actual age, but I've realized that I'm okay with that. I also realized that I need not hold on to the shiny image in my head of what life should feel like. It simply is what it is and on any given day, that might include sophistication and prestige, but it might also include sweats, a ponytail and a day watching movies with the boys. I also realized that I've never been afraid of aging. Getting older simply means gaining wisdom and each year lived was another one filled with blessings and experience.

So where will I be at 40? I guess I'll just have to wait and find out. In the meantime, where's that chocolate cake?