Hazy Is Your Future

Well, after a couple of unexpected developments, I still don't have absolute resolution on the faculty position in North Carolina. With that said, it appears that there is an 80% chance that I will get the position and that we'll move. I should know for sure by the middle-ish of February.

In the meantime, this "lack of certainty" business is driving me crazy. I know that technically we wouldn't be moving for 5 months and I know that there's plenty of time to deal with the details of a move, but I hate that I don't have a clearly identified plan of action. I'm not a 'go with the flow' kind of girl...at all. I bet you are all just shocked by this revelation.

So, instead of having one clearly delineated plan, I have two. There's Plan A (for if/when we move) and Plan B (for if we stay). I must say, getting the details identified on two separate plans is kind of cumbersome. This is primarily because it's not just about me - there's the husband and the child that need to be accounted for as well and anyone who knows the Irishman knows that he isn't having deep thoughts about when/if we need to kick it into high gear. Why should he when he has me. I'm such an enabler that way.

Anyway, Plan A consists of finding a place to live (we're leaning towards renting for the first year), renting out our current house, getting Parker enrolled in school, sending the Irishman on a job search, packing our belongings, renting a U-haul...oh and planning a trip to Greece at some point this summer.

So far, the farthest along I've gotten on Plan B is to go ahead and have a second baby. I know that this seems completely opposite of the drive of Plan A, but here's my thinking. I don't want to have another child in my first year of a new position, so that automatically puts a 4-year gap between kids even if I get this job. I'm ok with that, but I'm not sure how I'd feel about a 5 or 6 year gap. So, if we didn't move this year, then we'd go ahead and have another child (so they'd be 3 or so years apart) and I would skip going on the job market next year in favor of the fall of 2010. My current job runs until the summer of 2011 and I have the flexibility of being able to work from home, so it wouldn't be difficult at all to accommodate baby #2.

Do you see why this is driving me nuts? I can't stop my brain from trying to work out all of the tiny details of both plans, but they're so fundamentally different that I'm constantly going back and forth. I think I need to take up meditation or get a prescription for Valium until this is decided.